you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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