dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
