I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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