just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
