I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
