so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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