Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
