you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
