She went from zero to smokin in five shots
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Shame is for Republicans.
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