but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Randomize
