just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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