I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Pooping to opera.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
