Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You made out with two different species that night
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
