whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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