I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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