Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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