I wish they made helmets for livers.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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