Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
