I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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