My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
