Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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