you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So vagazzling was a success
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
