Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
