I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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