Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
