Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
