it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
