I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
In America we eat man semen.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
