I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You made out with two different species that night
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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