but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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