Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
it's like heaven, but drunker
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
