I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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