And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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