I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
where are my eyebrows?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
