Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
