I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
