Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
