I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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