we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
