I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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