Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
