Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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