someone get that fucking seahorse.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
