Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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