Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
