I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
