how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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