Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
