fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Green mimosas i think yes
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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