Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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